Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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