he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
