smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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