I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
