the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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