fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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