i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
