ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
