me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
