apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
