i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
