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Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
