Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my liver is dry heaving
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
