Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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