she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
