Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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