I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
