Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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