So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
