I'm going to jail i love you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
