Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
