So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize