i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They took my balls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
