Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
