oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize