I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
