Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
