My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
