Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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