they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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