I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
