i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
