im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
