I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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