hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
