But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
