its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
