how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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