That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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