Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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