can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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