I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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