I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You don't make any sense
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