christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
