btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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