this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
