apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
