Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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