Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize