yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
