Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
