i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
