I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
