onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
