Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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