So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
