goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I looked at my own cervix.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
