is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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