He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
