wakey wakey hands off snakey
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
