Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Someone signed my nipple.
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