whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, beer. Big fan.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
