morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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