nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
