U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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